13 As for you, if you redirect your heart and lift up your hands to Him [in prayer]- 14 if there is iniquity in your hand, remove it, and don't allow injustice to dwell in your tents- 15 then you will hold your head high, free from fault. You will be firmly established and unafraid. 16 For you will forget your suffering, recalling [it only] as waters that have flowed by. 17 [Your] life will be brighter than noonday; [its] darkness will be like the morning. 18 You will be confident, because there is hope. You will look carefully about and lie down in safety. 19 You will lie down without fear, and many will seek your favor.

Job 11:13-19

I’m in physical therapy for an irritation in a very tiny ligament in my right hip. 95% of my day I am great. During the other 5% I am in excruciating pain. The pain comes when I throw my body into or out of a certain position while sitting. I have gotten into the habit of being careful how I move, but in the moments that I forget about this condition of my hip I trigger the pain.

This is also what I do with issues of my heart and mind. I often times throw my thoughts into a direction (usually away from the direction God’s Word instructs us too) and I trigger anxiety, anger, or my arch nemesis, resentment. Over the course of my conversations with God, relationship with Jesus, and quality time with the Holy Spirit I’ve learned that there is always room to grow and I am constantly being molded into the woman He sees.* I have very high expectations of the people in my life (family and my inner circle), which must be countered with great amounts of compassion. Every so often I am reminded of my impetus to resolve that ‘I don’t need a particular person’ or that it would be ‘better if we had some space’. Now, I don’t usually say these things, I do them. I become short in conversation, I ignore calls or messages, and find other ways to create ‘kind’ wedges so that my feelings don’t get hurt and expectations aren’t thwarted. (Can you imagine if God treated us this way? No, thank  you!)

I usually realize I’ve yet again thrown myself into the rabbit hole of “I’m better without you” when I have a moment to breathe and check in with Holy Spirit. He gently embraces me while letting me know that’s not the way He has intended me to use the gifts of relationship. So… I take a deep breath and nestle into His embrace by coming into agreement. Agreeing that I shouldn’t write people off and take the stance of “I don’t need you”. If God has brought them here into my life, there is something that He wants me to have. If he wants me to have it, I want me to have it. I resolve to see things His way and I keep my heart soft.

I resolve to stop throwing my heart , decisions and emotions into positions that cause excruciating pain for my spirit. A pain that distracts the affection that I have for our Heavenly Father. An affection I hope you’re inspired to curate by walking through each moment with Him, my friends. Ease into His way of doing things. Be careful with yourself and ease into His loving redirection when you sense it.

Be Inspired Again.

*I know, I know, they’re distinct while being three in one, this illustration helps me embrace God’s complexity and closeness all at one time.